Tag Archives: Ohio

Top 15 Christian Conservative Ice Cream Flavors

15. Post The Ten Command-Mint (Available everywhere)
14. Baby Killer Coconut Scream (May not be legal in some states)
13. Blasted Bambi & Bible Thumper Wild Berry (Not for children under 7 years of age)
12. Try The Peppermint Stick From My Cold Dead Hands (Requires a 3 hour waiting period)
11. Adam & Steve In Hell-Fire Fudge (Packed hard in a cone)
10. King Kong Evolution Is Dead Banana Mocha (Artificial flavoring)
9. The North Of The Border, The Whiter The Chocolate (Made In Mexico)
8. Chewy Jewie Bubblegum (A traditional Germany Recipe)
7. Charles Darwin’s Soulless Ice Cream Coffin Sandwich (Part of our school lunch program)

6. Burnt Atheist Brownie (All natural ingredients)
5. Jerry Falwell’s Judgment Day Peanut Butter Surprise (High in cholesterol)
4. Liquorish Whip The Liberal (Seasonal flavor)
3. Sarah Palin’s Half-Baked Alaskan Nut Bar (Aged for 6000 years)
2. The Evangelical Express-O (Our most popular flavor)
1. Marshmallow McCain Wafflecone (Changes flavor with temperature)

P.S. Check out Fox News’ reporting on Barak Obama. it parallels their analysis of John Kerry in the 2004 election. Disgusting.

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Elect Sarah Palin To The PTA… And No Further

I once sat through a sales pitch at the airport Holiday Inn that was not much different than being subjected to Sarah Palin’s gloppy spiel. The “seminar” I attended was a on how to get rich quick in real estate. It was free and I was bored. So, it was purely a whim on my part, one that turned into an unintended source of comedy… for me.

Well, many Republicans have speaking styles similar to unctuous and smarmy sales folk. Just watch that self-satisfied git on CNN, Glenn Beck. With his cornball sense of humor and conceited tone, he tells the audience exactly what to think about god and country. For example, when he compared George Bush’s policies on torture to the actions of Batman; The Dark Knight.

The ability to reduce complex political and social issues to over-simplified caricatures seems to be the modus operandi of the Republican Party. Alaska needs a new natural gas pipeline? Well, Sarah Palin says, “God’s will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get that gas line built. So pray for that.”

After listing the basic infrastructural needs of Alaska, the “cop cars, public schools, the roads“,  Palin said, “All that stuff doesn’t do any good if the people of Alaska’s heart isn’t right with god“.

Salesmen and saleswomen often use props to drive their point home. Maybe they’ll present a colored chart or a boring slide show. Not Sarah Plain. She’s got the biggest and cheapest prop of all, the invisible hand of god.

So, at the risk of sounding sexist – I beg you not to elect this dumb broad to office. But if you want to vote for a bitchy, holier-than-thou, empty headed, self-anointed, princess, then go right ahead. If she is elected, the PTA will be shy one vacuous soccer mom. And the White House will be up one nitwit politician. I can hear the laughter of foreign leaders now. Palin doesn’t even understand the basics of the US housing market. How the hell is she going to deal with the rest of the world?

Finally, there’s her policy of teaching creationism in the public schools. One more step toward making American public education the best in the third-world.

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